Social Anxiety vs. Shyness - Tips to Guiding Your Anxious Child
For a while now, you may have just accepted that your child isn't making friends because they are simply shy, but this could be because he or she may have undiagnosed social anxiety.
While many characteristics between social anxiety and shyness overlap, the two terms cannot be used interchangeably. The scope and depth of social anxiety is the driving difference. Shyness is a personality trait, while social anxiety is a mental health disorder.
Shyness, while difficult to live through, can usually be managed with coping skills and the necessary time to become comfortable.
Social anxiety is most often present across all areas of life and causes moderate to severe distress before, after, and during the social interaction.
How can I recognize if my child is dealing with shyness or social anxiety?
Beyond the symptoms of being quiet and/or nervous in social settings, social anxiety can present itself with physical symptoms such as:
Heart racing
The mind going blank
Stomach aches
Kids and teens with social anxiety often dread judgment from their peers or other adults and set impossibly high standards of social performance for themselves, resulting in extensive efforts to avoid settings they feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar with.
Social anxiety in your child could look like:
Fear of negative evaluations from others
Heightened focus on the self
Extreme avoidance of anxiety-provoking situations
While a diagnosable disorder can sound scary, there are easy tips and tools you can be equipped with to help your child best overcome the crippling fears of anxiety.
7 Ways to Support Your Child with Social Anxiety
It can be easy to feel stuck when your child is facing social anxiety. Identifying several coping skills that can be used in a variety of social situations makes anxiety much easier to navigate when it starts to rise.
It often takes some trial and error to find what works best, but here are 7 coping skills that we’ve seen success with:
Practice role-playing the situation they might be fearing.
Make a plan with your child to come alongside them for a time or two during a new social setting and then let them try it on their own.
Take deep breaths together.
Count backwards from 100.
Help them visualize a calming space.
Encourage them to slowly clenching their fist and release several times.
Exercise and get moving!
The most important thing to remember is to not minimize what your child is feeling. Try replacing messages like “it’s not a big deal” or “just get over it,” with “I can see why that is making you nervous” and “I want to help you face this fear.” This will help your child know they can come to you for support with these anxieties.
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Remember not to minimize what your child is feeling. This will help them know they can come to you for support in the future.
It’s easy to feel lost in helping your child navigate their anxieties, but these tools will equip you to best support them when it arises.
If you feel like your child’s shyness may be something more, we encourage you to trial some of the social anxiety coping skills and see if you notice any improvement.
Our team is trained to help children and teens navigate anxieties of all kinds—know that we are ready to walk this road with you.
Meet Our Team of Counselors to See Who Would Be a Good Fit for Your Child
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