In the age of swiping and short-lived connections, how do you find a date that's truly worth keeping? The key lies not just in finding someone you’re attracted to, but in cultivating a bond that lasts. Whether you’re new to dating or have been on the scene for a while, here are some essential tips inspired by the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud...

Dating has evolved over the years, but for many, the frustrations remain the same. Swiping left and right, endless first dates that don’t lead anywhere, and the constant pressure to find “the one” can leave anyone feeling stuck. The truth is, dating isn’t working for many people—and that’s because most of us are still using outdated and passive approaches. So, what’s the solution? It’s time to shift our mindset, challenge traditional dating myths, and reframe what dating can and should be about.

Challenging Traditional Myths: Waiting on “the One”

One of the biggest myths surrounding dating is the belief that success is about luck or simply waiting for the right person to come along. This mindset can make dating feel like a passive activity—like a game of chance. However, the truth is that dating success requires a proactive approach. It’s not about waiting for the perfect person to knock on your door, but about actively engaging in the process and learning from every experience.

This way of dating has us fixating on finding “the one” too early—like hunting for the perfect flower while missing the beauty of the entire garden. We become overly selective, searching for the perfect match without truly experiencing what each encounter has to offer.

When you’re constantly evaluating someone for their long-term potential, it’s easy to miss out on enjoying the present moment.

Common Pitfalls:

Being too selective too early in the dating process.
Focusing too much on long-term outcomes rather than enjoying the experience.
Overthinking every interaction and prematurely labeling someone as a potential partner.

Exploration Over Evaluation

Instead of approaching dating with the mindset of evaluation, try treating it as an opportunity to explore. Dating is about meeting diverse people and gaining insight into different relationship dynamics. Each person you meet can teach you something valuable—whether it’s about your own preferences or how you interact in relationships. Think of dating like a job résumé—each date is an experience that adds to your knowledge and skill set.

Reframing the Purpose of Dating

Dating isn’t just about finding a partner—it’s a tool for personal growth. Each date offers valuable lessons about communication, emotional intelligence, and compatibility. Stop pressuring yourself to turn every date into a potential marriage. Instead, use it to discover what you need in a partner and refine your relational skills.

Preparing Yourself for Dating Success

Before stepping into the dating world, think of yourself as preparing for a journey. Just as you wouldn’t set off on a long road trip without checking your car, you shouldn’t enter dating without a moment of self-reflection. Take stock of your emotional baggage, past patterns, and insecurities. Do the work to clear out any old clutter that might weigh you down, like cleaning a house before hosting guests.

Only when you’re emotionally healthy and clear on your own needs will you be able to connect meaningfully with others. By embracing the process and taking a proactive, open-minded approach, you’ll find that the right person isn’t a stroke of luck—it’s someone you meet along the way, after you’ve traveled the path of personal growth.

As a counselor, I specialize in helping individuals navigate this process. Whether you're struggling with past trauma, finding it difficult to trust, or simply need support in building self-confidence, therapy can be a powerful tool for getting emotionally clear and ready for a healthy relationship. With the right guidance, you can transform old patterns and approach dating as an opportunity for growth, rather than a source of stress or anxiety.

Remember, when you are emotionally healthy and clear on your own needs, you create space for meaningful connections. And, just as in any journey, the right person will be someone who aligns with the person you’ve become—not someone you “luck into” along the way, but someone who complements your growth.

Final Thoughts

Instead of seeing dating as a race to find "the one," embrace it as a journey of exploration and self-discovery. Adopt a proactive, learning-focused approach, and trust that the right person will come along when you’re ready—not by chance, but because you’ve grown and evolved.