Love Languages

We all desire to feel connected, loved and appreciated in our romantic relationships.  However, the way that people express and receive love can vary greatly within a relationship. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, who developed the concept of “love languages”, there are five different ways that people give and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.  While the concept of love languages was initially developed for romantic relationships, it can be helpful in any type of relationship, including friendships or family relationships.

In addition to the book “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Chapman, there are some quick and easy online quizzes that can help you and your partner discover your love language.  Most people have a few love languages but there is usually a primary one. Understanding one’s own love language and that of their partner can help improve the quality of the relationship and decrease conflict.  Below are some tips to help you understand how to use the love languages in your relationships.

Words of Affirmation:  People with this love language express and receive affection through spoken words, praise or appreciation.  How to express love for this love language: 

• Speak kind and encouraging words
• Share uplifting quotes
• Write them love notes
• Send thoughtful text messages
• Give them a compliment

Quality Time:  People with this love language want undivided attention.  They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together.  How to express love for this love language:

• Actively listen
• Give them your focused and undivided attention
• Make eye contact
• Plan activities to do together
• Spend one-on-one time together

Physical Touch:  People with this love language feel love through physical affection.  They feel loved when their partner holds their hand, gives them a hug, or is physically close to them.  How to express love for this love language:

• Cuddle on the couch
• Offer to give them a massage
• Hold hands
• Sit close to them
• Touch their arm or leg

Acts of Service: People with this love language notice and appreciate little things you do for them.  They tend to perform acts of service and kindness for others, too.  How to express love for this love language:

• Help with the dishes
• Run errands for them
• Put gas in their car
• Make them a surprise meal
• Do a chore for them without them asking

Receiving Gifts:  People with this love language view gifts as an indication of love and affection. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.  How to express love for this love language:

• Put effort and thought into gifts for them
• Buy little gifts for them when apart
• Make/create a meaningful present just for them
• Pick out gifts that show you are thinking of them
• Buy them their favorite snack