The Nature of Friendships as an Adult

A few things to consider as you navigate adult friendships:

When it comes to friendships, quality always trumps quantity.  There is no exact number of friends to aim for, but more a feeling of satisfaction with the social support you receive from your friends.  Even having just one close friendship can have an overwhelmingly positive impact on your well-being.

People change, and along with that, so do friendships. Some friendships are seasonal and are meant to only walk with you through a particular season.  When you adjust your expectations on friendships and accept that not everyone is meant to be a lifelong best friend, you are able to appreciate them more for what they actually are in that particular life stage.  Most people only have a few friends that will walk with them throughout their entire life.  The ending of a friendship may feel very painful, and it is normal to grieve it just as you would any breakup.  Trust that as you enter a new season in your life, it will bring new friendships as well.

Let friends serve different needs.  You may have one friend you confide in, one you turn to for support, and another one you call to hang out with on the weekends. Each friendship can be equally important and fill a different need in your life.

There are many types of friendship.  There isn’t an ideal type of friendship.  Some may be long-lasting childhood friendships or newer friendships that developed at work.  Certain people prefer close friendships while others prefer casual friendships.  What matters is that the friendships you have are meaningful to you.

Be open to being friends with all different kinds of people, even if they do not fit a certain mold.  You may have more in common than appearances suggest, whether it’s a difference in age, gender, background, ethnicity, or something else.  A seemingly unlikely friendship may develop if you’re open to giving the person a chance.

The most important friend you will ever make is yourself.  There is no other person who you will spend more time with, so just as you would put effort into a friendship with another person, put that same effort into the relationship you have with yourself.  When you are a good friend to yourself, all your other relationships will benefit.  Some ways to invest in yourself include spending time alone, journaling, having a “me” day, and talking with a counselor to work through any issues that may be hindering your growth.