Discomfort isn’t the enemy

Being a former landscaper means I understand what it takes for flourishing growth. My clients paid me to maintain their yards, weed their flower beds, and prune their shrubbery. Upon contracting me to do the work, I would arrive to meet with my client and assess the conditions I was working with, then decide on a strategy to improve and maintain their property. Their consistent desire was a well-maintained foundation as well as flourishing growth and beauty surrounding their home.

As I have transitioned into what you might call “lifescaping” in the counseling world, I have found the desires of many of my clients feel the same. They desire for their marriages, children, careers, and families of origin to have a well-maintained foundation where they can also experience flourishing growth and beauty.

Yet, while the desire is the same, understanding the approach that is necessary for growth and beauty, isn’t as readily accepted.

Landscaping always involves cutting the grass, pruning dead foliage, ongoing fertilization, assessing the soil, pulling up weeds, planting seasonal color, and consistent maintenance. It’s time consuming, it’s intentional, and for the grass, plants, and trees, I’m guessing if they could talk, they would say, “it’s sometimes uncomfortable.”

“Lifescaping” isn’t any different. 

We may start out strong, life is good, marriages feel exciting, we work hard to parent our young children, or we set out to climb the ladder of success with honest ambitions. We are invested in what we think is a well-maintained foundation, and desire flourishing growth and beauty in our lives.

But as we grow, we can begin to feel twinges of discomfort. Money, peer pressure, parenting, in-laws, careers, and home ownership, all have the potential to cause us discomfort in life.

If we allow the discomfort to send us down a path of seeking “easy solutions”, on the road to perceived happiness over true growth, we will soon start to see the signs of neglect take over our lives.

Recently, while out on a walk, I noticed that the yards I had consistently maintained for years were starting to show signs of neglect. Unruly weeds had taken over, hedges weren’t trimmed, and the care that had been so meticulous was now a forgotten investment.

Our landscapes and “lifescapes” aren’t so different.

What I have found in the counseling world is that when it comes to discomfort, clients are more likely to avoid what feels uncomfortable at the expense of the beauty it could bring when embraced.

 Some thoughts to consider: 

• When we sense discomfort, we are immediately alerted that we desire for something to change. We are naturally drawn to seek pleasure over pain, but pleasure isn’t always the best choice.
• So, what is the wise response to discomfort?
• Seeking immediate comfort for us or our kids may seem to be the “easy solution”, but it isn’t sustainable and often leads to undesirable outcomes. Coping mechanisms and numbing techniques become tools that lead to devastating addiction, under parenting to avoid conflict leads to failure to launch syndrome, and relational discontentment can destroy what you have worked hard to build
• Where are you feeling twinges of discomfort in your marriage or with your kids? What about at work or other relationships?
• What are you doing in response to the discomfort you feel?

Discomfort isn’t the enemy. In fact, often, it is an awareness that growth is on the horizon if we will embrace the pruning season.

We love to walk alongside clients as they seek to embrace the pruning season that leads flourishing growth and beauty in life. We have the tools you need to improve your “lifescape”. Let us know how we can help.