7 Ways to Become an Expert on Your Child (Plus, Resources)

The longer I parent my four children and talk to parents in my counseling office, the more I realize how intentional we need to be in engaging in our children’s hearts, minds, and lives.

This intentionality doesn’t just “happen.” It is something that we have to fight for. Either our habits will happen to us or we will choose our habits.

As parents, we want to consistently earn the right to speak into our children’s lives in the hard and the easy places. We want to be a trusted advocate and a safe place that they come back to again and again for input or advice.

Here are a few simple ways to help you become an expert on YOUR kid—keeping in mind that YOU are the only one that gets the incredible privilege of being their parent!

Don’t outsource being a parent to your child. No one else gets that role, so I encourage you to take full advantage of that honor and responsibility.

1 – Listen to them.

Simply listening can make your child feel so connected! Listen to whatever they are willing to talk about, even if its not your favorite subject.

Make eye contact and respond, verbally or with physical touch, in the appropriate places. They can tell if you are actually listening!

2 – Ask questions.

Consistently ask them about their:

• highs
• lows
• funny moments
• curiosities
• what’s new
• what they’re learning

Take time to connect with them consistently and not just when you’re on the move.

3 – Be a learner.

Take time to learn what they enjoy, like reading, learning about in school, etc. Watch and observe their interests.

4 – Engage.

Be present and available!

Know your children, know their circumstances, their makeup, their personality, what their fears and struggles are…and play the long game.

What does it look like for them to be healthy, responsible adults and what kind of relationship do you want to have with them long-term, not just now?

5 – Celebrate when they celebrate and mourn when they mourn.

Teach them that whenever they walk into their home they are safe, loved, and celebrated.

This is a safe space.

This is the place to fall apart.

This is a place to come back to.

This is the place to be calm, peaceful, rest.

This is the place to be loved.

We love you and we celebrate you. We are on your team. We are your cheering section.

6 – Make instruction and criticism count.

Just like in any relationship, you want more positive interactions than negative.

So, how can you heap more praise than criticism on your child in your interactions with them?

7 – Be an active participant.

We are in a war for our children’s hearts and souls. There is so much that is bad, hard, and negative in the world. I see daily how that wears on our kids.

Don’t be a passive observer and throw up your hands at the hard stuff. Be an active participant. Intentionally work daily to connect to their hearts and make your interactions count.

Join me in making a consistent effort to intentionally connect with my children’s hearts, minds, and life!

As we strive towards better connection with our kids, here are some excellent resources to dive deeper:

• • Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley
  • The Intentional Father by Jon Tyson
  • Perimeter Parent Equipping Podcast with Crawford and Karen Loritts

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